Goatmoose

I watch a lot of really terrible movies. Every now and then, I even watch a good one. Being that I find very few movies worth paying theater prices for and owning more than 1,000 DVDs, I rarely watch any movies until weeks, months, years or decades after they release for home audiences. Thus, a new weekly feature emerges: Hopefully You Have Seen/Missed! Every mid-week, you shall find profiled a great film and a terrible film, and information about what makes them so. Bully!

Without further ado, let’s get retarded:

Serenity

I have never watched Firefly. Now, I must. I simply must. The urge to do so is pumping through me like an enema of desire. It is not too much of a secret that I have a super huge celebrity crush on Summer Glau, primarily thanks to her brilliance as Cameron on The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Plus, she used to be a ballerina, and has the same birthday as me, albeit a few years earlier. She’s just fantastic. Anyway, she’s as awesome as ever in this film from 2005. As is the rest of the cast. It’s even got one of the 38 Baldwins in it, so come on…

So what does one expect from Serenity? Often when you think about a sci fi film, the first things that pop into your head are:

So when a sci fi comes around that has a great story, nonstop action, solid acting, a big budget and NO naked tits are necessary, it’s a remarkable thing; and Serenity definitely is a remarkable thing. Serving as the official “ending” to the short-lived Firefly TV series, the movie seems to have stood as ill-fated as its predecessor, as most have not seen it. A shame, folks. A shame. Get with the program.

Serenity follows the crew of a ship (yeah, Serenity is the ship), and its most important passenger, River Tam (Summer Glau). She’s important because she was a military experiment and is now a super killer time bomb that can blow at any moment and put all sorts of feet into all sorts of asses. She’s also a psychic. The crew protects her from an organization full of bad people as the baddies chase them around a bunch of crazy planets, knocking off everyone who knows them, all while the good guys try and uncover a greater mystery. No need for a character analysis of everyone else – they’re all there; a badass who wants to be in charge, a girl helplessly in love with another crew member, a cute married interracial couple, the struggling captain, his ex lover, some old guys, an evil nemesis, you get the point.

I expected the movie to suck, to be honest. I watched it for Summer. To my great surprise, this film kept me on the edge of my couch cushion for the full two hour runtime. If you have never seen it, you will thoroughly enjoy it, regardless of your typical movie preferences. There is action, heartache, anger, doubt, mystery, tension, and effective comic relief built in right when you need it. And Summer Glau.

With the standard DVD available for $9.49 on Amazon, the Blu-Ray for $19.99 or free in HD streaming from Netflix, there is no excuse for you to exist Serenity-free for much longer.

I shall leave you with no more information – experience it for yourself. Now go, watch. Be a leaf on the wind.