Goatmoose

Hey, America! What do you like? Black Presidents? Sure. Gay American Idols? Hell no!

I don’t like to talk about American Idol, but mama always said sometimes you’re going to have to do things you don’t want to do. Last night, Arkansas Jesus boy Kris Allen beat Mr. Fabulous, Adam Lambert. Both had been popular for the entire competition for entirely different reasons, though it had seemed all along like Lambert would take the victory. He should have, after all. Kris even thought Adam should win, which was obvious by his reaction and comments following the announcement. After 100 million votes, which is probably about 10 million people voting 10 times each (I saw one person on Twitter say they voted 189 times), Kris was the winner.

I say that while admitting that I didn’t want Adam to win, simply because if he had, the whole competition would have been essentially void. He had been in a class above everyone else the entire time, and Kris Allen’s win, if nothing else, proved that the show actually can surprise you.

If you didn’t root for Adam because his insane vocals and frequent shrieking annoyed you, then that’s fair enough; they occasionally annoyed me as well. Admittedly, I wouldn’t be in a hurry to buy his CD (you know, if I bought CDs) That said, I wouldn’t buy Kris’s either. I know for a fact Adam was just too much for some people, and that’s totally rad, because personal opinions are the strawberries we slice onto the morning cereal of our lives.

But, if you didn’t vote for Adam because his makeup frightened you or you hate gay people, then you are a douche. Certainly you’d never admit to that being your reason, but for some people, it was. It is a topic that has been discussed in magazines and on websites for months, and the media has been up in a tizzy about whether or not the country would back such an ostentatious individual.

I was hanging out among the Twitter populous during the show, and a huge number of people attributed Adam’s loss to his flamboyant sexuality as soon as they watched him lose. Whether or not people want to admit it, it’s definitely a variable for a large number of voters. For these individuals, it didn’t help Adam’s case that his competitor was a calm, humble southern family boy with a religious upbringing who spends most of his time doing church work. Polar opposite, much?

Apparently we’re fine with a black President, but not a gay Idol.

The second thing this year’s Idol proved is that the show is still a popularity contest and not a singing contest. Kris can sing, sure, but not as well as Adam. Every time they sang side-by-side during the finale, Adam took the more difficult parts of the songs while Kris took the easier ones. Adam sang with Kiss, some of the all-time legends of music. Kris sang a safe, easy tune with Keith Urban in a performance that I stopped watching due to boredom after 20 seconds. Adam sang again with (what’s left of) Queen, another of the most legendary bands ever. Obviously the artists were paired with those who match their style, but for real… there’s a reason Freddie Mercury’s vocals are something most singers shouldn’t attempt. There are only a handful of people who have the ability to pull them off.

But again, this isn’t really an argument about whether or not they can sing. Everyone in the top 10 can sing. It’s about popularity vs. singing. Because of Adam’s ability to be super dramatic with his performances and annoy people, and due to his being gay, he wasn’t as popular. What he can do with his voice, his range, his control, his dynamics, and his showmanship should have won him a singing competition.

These people won on popularity, too…

Ruben Studdard – He was fat, jolly, fun to watch, and oh yeah- had a gay opponent who is now 300x more successful than him.
Fantasia Barrino – This muppet was popular due to a lack of options. The only thing good about Diana DeGarmo rested below her chin and above her belt, and Fantasia had a better story and a funny voice. But ew, what a creature she’s turned into now…
Taylor Hicks – Elliott Yamin and Daughtry lost to him? Right. Enough said.

At least there were some other honorable mentions last night, like Steve Martin playing the banjo on a song he wrote for the gorgeous Megan to quickly destroy. And Kara, who I hate with the fire of a thousand suns, is an insane singer and knocked that skanky bikini girl to the floor. Good times. Sort of.

Tags: american idol