Goatmoose

Few things in this world provide the level of shameless joy that one can experience by sorting through the Free Stuff category on their local Craigslist page. The very worst of the worst items can be found – complete pieces of garbage that, for whatever reason, the owner believes someone else might want more than the landfill. Sure, the old adage says one man’s trash is another man’s treasure, but I believe even old sayings have a limit when it comes to broken lampshades and non-working rusty refrigerator coils from the 50s.

Little grosses me out more than the idea of sleeping on someone’s old mattress, particularly one that was used well enough they had to offer it for free. Nor do I have any desire to bring your 1967 couch with “mustard” stains into my home. But, someone must take some of this stuff, because people keep putting it up there. The generosity of common folks is powerful, I tell you.

If you live in Pittsburgh, below are a few treasures that could be yours for absolutely no price. If you don’t live in Pittsburgh, well, you’re going to want to after you see the remarkable items you don’t have in your life.

“Free compost pile. Its a pick up truck load. Mostly grass clippings and old plants outta the garden. u haul.”
In case you live in an apartment and can’t make your own grass clippings – this guy’s got you covered.

“Six 48″ fluorescent tubes, non-working- I don’t have any use for them.”
Let there be pretend light.

“FREE SMALL KIDS BIKE. MY DAUGHTER GOT A BRAND NEW ONE FOR HER BIRTHDAY SO WERE GIVING THIS ONE AWAY FREE TO A GOOD HOME.”
What he didn’t mention is his daughter is now 46. Look at that thing.

“material. 2 boxes of mostly cotton/polyester— 65/35 Alot of paisleys for quitling. I’m moving and all will get burned if nobody wants it. I don’t sew anymore because of my bad eyes.”
Quit staring into fires.

“pink bunny insulated lunch bag. good condition, has my childs name inside. cute, clean! preference given to quickest pickup!! “
This be worth about $3 brand new. Not only is it used, but it has writing on it, and you have to drive to get it. Bargain!

“Free grapes–you pick. Perfect for jam, jelly, juice or wine making. Concord variety. Call for info”
Aged two weeks, been soaking in a bowl of bathroom cleaner. Eat with caution.

“Wood frame and green vinyl-covered seat. Based on its condition and the way its twin died, it’s probably not recommended for fatties. Other than that, it’s just a chair.”
Generous AND sensitive!

“Zicam Cold Remedy Chewables. Bought these today after I found out they no longer make the nasal swabs for colds. Strawberry flavor. One missing from the 25 chewables box – the other 24 are still sealed. I, personally, could not stand the taste of them. It is a real sweet fake tasting strawberry flavor followed by a strong after taste of metal/medicine (I’m guessing that is the zinc in them).”
“Hello, I’m calling about the gross medicine. Yes, thanks, I’ll be right over.”

“FREE GARAGE, ROUGHLY 20FT X 12 AND 1/2 FT. ROOF IS IN GOOD CONDITION, NO LEAKS. I WANT THE CAR PORT THAT ATTACHED”
Someone please explain this to me.

“Free priority mail boxes – USPS use only! I ordered incorrectly and have a ton extra. Any ebayers out there or people that want to mail Christmas stuff and don’t want to stand in line to get boxes?”
These are free all the time from usps.com, shipped right to your door. Picking them up from this guy is less convenient.

“Free black walnuts. You can fill up bags or even a truck if you’d like. All you have to do is pick them off the lawn.”
Clean this person’s lawn and you get to keep the refuse.

“Habaneros. I would like to inflict the pain of these “peppers” onto someone else! Home grown, organic. Please heed all warning that these can and will make you suffer for……………hmmm a while.”
Ummmmmmm….

“THESE RECLINERS ARE FREE!!!!!! ONE HAS A BROKEN ARM REST C IT CAN BE FIXED .THERE ARE SOME STAINS ON ONE WITH SOME CLEANER IT COMES OUT .WE DO NOT HAVE TIME TO CLEAN OR FIX THESE SO THEY ARE FREE …. FIRST COME WILL GET THEM .. YOU CAN TAKE BOTH OR JUST ONE IF YOU WANT TO .”
Straight out of heaven and into your home.

That’s enough for now. I’ll throw a new batch of treasures your way in a week or so, when the citizens of Pittsburgh once again purge their homes of delightful goodies.