Goatmoose

It’s probably just my extreme adoration of animals talking, but I find this game endearing.  They say it won’t cater to hardcore gamers at all.  Well, I think more about my 360 than I do about food, so I class myself as pretty hardcore.  And I think it’s a treat.

Sure, it’s made for five year olds.  Certainly, there’s not much game to it, no storyline whatsoever, and what the game does offer is painfully easy and geared towards small children.  Everyone is aware of these things.  Every review of the game to date has made this abundantly apparent.  And it’s certainly not untrue.  The game is completely simple, barebones, and juvenile.  You can’t lose, as there is no battle to be fought.  It’s just a cute game, and something I find myself having fun with.  It won’t last forever – I’m sure once I explore all the areas, finish all the games and accomplish all the tasks, it’ll be up for sale on Half.com.  But until then…
What do you do in Kinectimals besides adopt large feline cubs, tickle and brush them, play mini games and mimic their actions? Well, nothing really.  That’s pretty much it.  All those wonderfully simplistic tasks are set in a beautiful environment with intense colors, playful fun and inescapable whimsy.  And that simple aforementioned list of tasks comes in great quantity.  There are tons of small mini-games, though they are a bit uninspired.  You have to find new areas, search for treasure, take care of your animal, shop for new items, teach new tricks, meet other animals – all over and over again.

The modern game market is populated primarily with intense, gripping, story-driven adult titles that strive to be immersive and powerful.  The opposite is a huge quantity of youth games that are either terribly made, extra boring, bad movie-game renderings or otherwise sub-par.  Kinectimals fights all that, focusing on simplicity and the fact every child wishes they owned a big, furry, friendly baby tiger they could play Frisbee with or chase through a forested glen with a remote-controlled car.  You know it’s true.

They also created something that allows adult players to humiliate themselves as they fall prey to the cubs, rolling on the floor, jumping up and down and causing their pets to mimic them.  Players must use their bodies to command the animals, and can also train them to respond to voice commands.  “Play dead, Hank!,” I find myself shouting often, watching my cute bengal tiger cub to stick its tongue out and fall on its side with hilarious delight.

Did I mention it is cute?

Kinectimals is not without its flaws.  The controls can be wonky at times.  If you don’t perform star jumps or activate commands when the game is ready for them, you’ll just be jumping around in your living room like a loon.  During mini-games where you throw a rubber chicken or a baseball or some other object at targets scattered across the landscape, you’ll often find the ball being thrown where you don’t think it should have been, throwing itself because you twitched your arm weird or otherwise being wonky.  It’s not perfect, but for a launch title, it’s strong enough for the impressions of the audience it seeks.

Ultimately, the game is shallow and doesn’t hold a lot of lasting appeal.  The multiplayer doesn’t add much and there isn’t really any way I can conceive of to expand its offering with DLC.  It is what it is, and when its charm wears off, you’ll move on.  That time may just take a little longer to come than you’d expect.  If you have small kids, this is a no-brainer.  If you’re an animal lover who is comfortable enough with their manhood/womanhood to smile with glee at the face of a digital leopard while on all fours in front of a television screen, it’s also worth checking out.

If the only games you care about in life start with the word Halo, well, you might want to think about broadening your horizons a little.