Thomas Dekker is a little strange. I have known this for a while. Any candid footage I’ve seen of him, he’s oddly flamboyant and very un-John Connor. This is no exception.

Here we see him in a hotel room, smoking a cigarette, wearing no shirt, swearing at his cell phone, not knowing how to operate simple electronics, and boasting a few very weird tattoos. He phones up FOX’s customer comment line to tell them they need to renew Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles for a third season.

Apparently it didn’t work, as the show was officially canceled over the weekend. Bummer. No more Summer Glau…

Anyway, as disturbing, abnormal, ambiguous and alcoholic this video may be, I thank Thomas Dekker for appreciating his fans. Well done, my good sir. Well done. Terminator was a fine bit of television, but because it didn’t have 20 minutes of Lauren Conrad drinking iced tea and blabbering about the wind, nobody cared.

The little 46 year-old Scottish lady with the bushy eyebrows who’s never been kissed has officially become famous faster in America than the Beatles, thanks to web videos and social networking technologies sending people to the video of her Britain’s Got Talent performance. Reaching over 30 million views in one week, she’s blown Chocolate Rain, Evolution of Dance, Sneezing Panda, Bush Vs. Shoe, Fey as Palin, Charlie Bit Me, David at Dentist and all the other rapid Internet videos of late out of the water completely. What makes it even more spectacular is that embedding the YouTube video has been disabled on all her clips, so people have to travel to the site to watch.

If you are somehow a complete brick and haven’t seen her singing “I Dreamed a Dream” from Les Miserables, click here.

She’s been interviewed by Larry King, is making her way through the TV circuit, is being promoted all over by Piers Morgan, has been the top trending topic on Twitter for days… and she’s just cute as a boot. Some of her other recordings have been dug up and can also be found on the Tube of You, which you’ll likely see in the Related Videos at the above link.

Take that, Elaine Paige. Maybe if you were more homely, you’d be an international superstar, too.

This has been going all around the Internet for the past few days so I doubt it needs much explanation. Billy Bob is in a band called the Boxmasters. They did an interview in Canada for Q TV in which the interviewer introduced him as an actor for the sake of context. Billy Bob then dodged the rest of the interview until confronting the guy about it, as the station producers were instructed to not mention his acting career and only talk about music.

People have been calling it a ‘blow up’, but it’s really more the opposite. The better comparison is to that of Joaquin Phoenix, because Thornton shows no interest in anything. The interview is long – 13 minutes – and never gets into a heated fight, but is entertaining because of Thornton, the interviewer’s struggle and the rest of the band’s reactions. Billy Bob really made the interviewer prove that he knows what he’s doing as a professional. I think he did a fantastic job – well done, whoever you are.

The rest of the band is hilarious through their expressions. They’re either just as big of douchebags as Billy Bob, or want to punch him in the face for being a dick. Hard to tell. Considering they’ve been a band for a few years and this is basically just how Billy Bob is, I’ll assume the former.

He’s a crazy fellow, and you never know what you’re going to get from his performances. He can butcher Johnny Cash songs and still make them enjoyable, or be totally rockawesome singing the classic Tears For Fears hit “Mad World.” He described himself on Idol as someone who always wanted to play dress up instead of soccer. Obviously. But enough about all that! This fellow used to be a Biblical slave.

That’s right – if he reaches the American Idol finals, it won’t be his first time on stage at the Kodak Theatre. In 2004, he was in a vastly expensive musical production of “The Ten Commandments,” produced by clothing guy Max Azria and starring Val Kilmer as Moses. If that brief description sounds like a slowly spinning lazy susan of crap, you’d apparently be right. The show got junk reviews. The huge cast was no good, the choreography and songs were awful… I just wish I could have seen it!

There was one bright spot, however. Guess who.

Lambert was the slave Joshua. In the video below, you can watch his solo number. It’s a horrible song, but he sings it like crazy. I can’t imagine he’d be this good at soccer, so I guess he picked the right route wanting to play dress up and sing songs.

Kal Penn disappeared from the cast of House the other night. Now we all know why.

To the left we can see our jolly President embracing Penn in a rather fancy man-hug. For those unfamiliar with fine acting, Kal Penn is known for making high-class films like the “Harold and Kumar” flicks, as well as his role of Kutner on the superb TV medical dramedy “House.” Not anymore.

Monday night, the cast members of House went to Kutner’s house (ha!) to find him dead in a puddle of his blood thanks to a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the temple. It came entirely out of nowhere and was completely against Kutner’s character, a suddenness that the clever writers used as the basis for the episode (why oh why would he do it!? WHYYYY?). The real reason it came so quickly is because of Kal Penn’s sudden new employment – “connecting Obama with the Asian-American and Pacific Islander communities, as well as arts groups.” (SFGate)

Well, that’s pretty random, eh? Good for him, though. He’s got a great job for a great guy, and the writers of House now have fodder for a mystery uncovering the reasons behind Kutner’s quick and random suicide.

PS – that picture seems like it’s really asking for someone to Photoshop in some thought bubbles.

It’s somewhere around $55 for a bottle of what I’ve been told tastes like gasoline. The taste is irrelevant, though, because it’s cool no matter what – it comes in a glass head. And Dan Aykroyd is their spokesperson. That’s right, Raymond Stantz is the man behind stuff. He’s been fascinated with the supernatural and symbiology all his life. You didn’t know that? Well, have no fear – he tells you all about it on the website.

Here’s the rambling introductory video from Crystal Head Vodka’s website, which is entirely too long and completely incoherent to the common mind. I’m not even sure it’s serious. In fact, I hope it isn’t… but at the same time, I have no doubt that it is.

This picture isn’t really a story, but hard proof that this girl named Shawn has wiener appeal in the eyes of her dance partner on everyone’s favorite television show. (It’s also quite possible that her partner’s wiener has Tom Bergeron appeal.) This boneriffic picture is from a recent episode where Mark Ballas thought their lindy hop performance was a bit stiff. As the two waited for their score, Ballas clearly wanted to. This was supposed to be a straight & narrow night of television for American viewers, who ended up getting a rise out of the nightly episode when Ballas started pole dancing. Boner.

It’s possible that maybe Ballas’s itty bitty shorts just caught the camera at the wrong angle – maybe he’s just well hung and floppy poppy just happened to be hanging that way at the moment – but I like to agree with everyone that he’s just rocking a hot rod.

But that’s not all! More troubles have been running thick, as if Shawn Johnson hasn’t been having a tough enough time with her stalker that I heard about today as well. Driving through Alabama, bushy bearded and clinically insane would-be-rapist Robert O’Ryan was on his way to meet Johnson and attempt to marry her. He said that he could tell they were destined to have a beautiful relationship together, and he had felt her communicating with him through TV. That’s not verbatim, because I’m too lazy to look up the original quote. But it doesn’t matter – it’s nutso buttso either way. The cop let the mid-30′s icon of lunacy go, because driving through Alabama in the middle of the night, stuttering and badgering on about marrying a 17 year-old gymnast you’ve never met, with a car full of souvenir shit and weapons, is fairly common practice in Alabama and nothing seemed odd about it.

Yikes.

Boner.

Apparently he was in Miami Beach’s Setai Hotel fooling around with said hooker in his $750 hotel room. He told her he had $1,000 that was all hers if she’d sex him up, when the dear girl kissed him and wouldn’t stop biting his tongue. Naturally, he took to punching her in the face as a means of detachment. While this isn’t all that shocking, the mugshots that came out of it are – as it seems ShamWow guy has clearly aged about 25 years since the infomercial. It is truly a lol and a wtf fused into one big, fat, sweaty lolwtf.

I dare you to compare Infomercial Vince from the left with Prostitute Beater Vince from below:

How does this happen? Is stage makeup REALLY that powerful? Hot diggity, I’ve gotta get me some of that. Turns out Vince is actually almost 45 years old and hideous as sin. He also seems to be suffering from a severe case of oral herpes (I’d blame the battered whore) and wears hospital gowns out in public under fur collar jackets on the regular.

The hooker is 26 years old and named Sasha Harris. Charges ended up not being filed against either party. The cops are still trying to figure out how being an infomercial spokesperson for some yellow towels makes you enough money to spend $1750 in one night on a hooker and hotel.

I just hope he properly discarded the ShamWow he used to soak up her blood off the hotel wall. ShamPOW!

Update: What’s the only thing worse than Vince’s mugshot? The mugshot of the hooker. Take a peek at this charm school prefect.

It all started with our first celebrity, Jesus. Much like Ty Pennington, Mr. Christ was born a nobody, rose to be a master carpenter, and enriched the lives of many through unbridled acts of social benefaction. He made the beard cool, as well as the sandal, and gave society a foot fetish that would last for millennia to come. He was put to death for his selflessness, and the first dim and grainy photo on the wall at the Hard Rock Cafe of Awesome was hung.

Years and many fantastic figures later, we are now gifted with a new sparkling emblem of personal and moral piousness. Still artfully disguised in the “who’s that?” section of many people’s minds, he exposes our culture to a rich smog of sanity that nobody can deny. That person is Rainn Wilson. And here’s why:

What’s in a name?
Everything, if your name is Rainn. It is a symbol of his ability to wash us with sweet, bursting nuggets of undefinable pleasure that trickle down our spines and collect at the trunk of our purified tootsies. Here it congeals into a pleasant goo, aiding and soothing every step taken for the rest of our lives.

What has he done that’s so great?
Though it is unwise and largely dangerous to challenge a potential diety, Rainn forgives those who are uneducated and meek. His contributions span a number of things far higher than a pitiful human mind can calculate. A number that expands beyond the decimal places in pi. Let’s see…

January 1966:
He crept from the womb in Seattle, establishing one more reason why Seattle is the coolest place in America.

1966-1999:
He hides from everyone, not yet known by the masses for the world’s work that he is to do later at age 33, much like the aforementioned hero Jesus. Years of carpentry are suspected.

1999: Galaxy Quest

By far one of the most underrated films of all time, Rainn decides to tread the waters and find out if the world is prepared for his illumination as the quintessential world citizen. Well tested, he reveals himself heavily makeupped, as an alien form, which may or may not be his true self. Fortunately, the reception did not backfire, and his work progressed…

1999-2001
Peppers himself among the masses, as “Guy in Supermarket” on an episode of CSI, and other such conspicuous things.

2001: America’s Sweethearts

Appears as Dave O’Hanlon, clearly the most important figure in the movie. His somewhat hesitant face in Galaxy Quest is replaced with an aura of confidence, and the enrichment of human life proceeds.

2003: House of 1000 Corpses

Ever the ingenious sage, he speaks to us through very unconventional means… A horror film.

2003-2005: Six Feet Under

As Arthur Martin on the brilliant Alan Ball show Six Feet Under, Rainn got the opportunity to make out with Frances Conroy and showcase himself alongside future serial murderer Michael C. Hall. And then, there was…

2005-Endless: The Office

Dwight Schrute cares about certain things: German history, beets, selling paper, being Michael Scott’s favorite employee, thwarting Jim Halpert, the old in-out-in-out with Angela, thwarting Andy Bernard, and Battlestar Galactica. By those means representing the main desire of every human being alive, he has fused his place as the founder of the new world, ready to perch on the heads of the populous and lather us with the fluid of his righteousness.

As a bonus, he has helped found the wonderful website Soul Pancake, a site that takes a silly, jovial approach to looking at and discussing some of life’s toughest spiritual and ethical questions. Being the powerful person he is, he has developed a means for the average Henry or Roy to open up about their innermost feelings, where he can sit and absorb the true spirit of humanity and suck it into his belly.

…

Or maybe he’s just a funny actor and a pretty cool guy with some great ideas. Soul pancake is a trip, and Rainn has a solid foundation. He means to do well for people, but still isn’t above making movies where he dresses up as a 4 year old and asks “Do you really have to pee in a girl’s mouth to make babies?” That’s my kind of awesome.

Want to see a side of him you may have missed in popular culture? Read this interview from the website of the Baha’i Faith, of which Rainn is a lifelong believer.